Note to Self

Chocolate will not make my back stop hurting.  That is a myth.

It’s crazy how these cravings try to sneak in on you.  Hmph.

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Beautiful Monday!

Happy Monday, everybody!  As you can probably tell from the title, I am in a wonderful place today.  I feel incredibly blessed that this month’s PMS is the variety that makes me enormously emotional and sensitive but in a mostly good way.  🙂  I’m not as cranky and enraged as I normally would be…but I do tend to get a bit weepy over the silliest things, like my profound gratitude that WordPress lets me italicize with the same key-combination I use in Word.

Wow.  So anyway, I’m very happy today!  I had the most amazing (there’re those easy italics again!) weekend away.  I did absolutely nothing but lie on the couch, read, watch movies, and eat.  I did do my yoga, and I did walk, but I didn’t do my normal Friday workout (okay, I did some bicep curls and some crunches, but that was it) and I didn’t get my Couch to 5K in.  And nearly everything I ate was dreadful. 

Whew.  There it is.  They say confession’s good for the soul.  🙂  But actually…my soul isn’t feeling that heavy, because honestly the weekend was soooo good for me.  Not nutritionally, I will admit, but spiritually and psychologically, definitely.

So with the salt and whatnot, and little or no activity, I figured I’d be carrying around a few more pounds, and as you may know I was already up a mystery four-and-a-half.  So I thought, wow, I’m probably going to be nudging 170 again.  I stepped on the scale this morning determined to discover the damage – albeit with zero regrets – so I’d know where I’m starting with the Memorial Day Challenge.  (Please feel free to jump in and join Bex and me in the challenge, BTW!)

And discovered, once again, that there is clearly a severe gravitational anomaly located, evidently, immediately beneath my bathroom floor, and centered on the spot in which the Evil White Scale sits.  I’m back down to my all-time low, 162.

I mean, really, people.  How does this make sense?  Three missed workouts, innumerable added calories and fat and salt…come on.

Except I think I can explain it, actually.  First point:  I did eat junk all weekend – but I had made a conscious point of moving the only clock to a room I never go into, so I wouldn’t think about time (remember, this weekend was all about relaxation), so I ate when I was hungry.  And I ate only until I was no longer hungry.  So instead of a whole pizza and a bag of chips (which I couldn’t physically do anymore, in any event) it was a slice or two of pizza…and then, a couple of hours later, some chips…etc.  So I did eat badly…but not that much.  I also drank a ton of water…and I caught up on rest.  

Aside:  I can’t overstress the importance of sleep and rest, I really can’t.  I have found, time and again, that when I am high-centered on weight loss, some extra sleep can make all the difference.  I think that’s partly what happened here. 

And then you can factor in the small but undoubtedly extremely important fact that I started my period this morning. I’m sure that had something to do with losing the mystery 4.5.  Though it doesn’t explain why I saw no damage from the weekend, unless I would have been DOWN without the mystery 4.5…

But whatever the reason, I’m down again this morning, which does please me rather.  🙂  I know I didn’t earn it but I totally and completely do not care.  I didn’t earn the mystery four-and-a-half either, so I figure we’re even, Fate.  Heh.

I do feel completely rejuvenated today.  So often when we are looking forward to something – be it Christmas, lunch with a friend, or in this case, time away – it just can’t live up to the expectations.  In this case, it exceeded them.  I was comfortable, I slept great (which isn’t always the case when I’m on my own), I didn’t stress or think about anything from “real life”, and…I was happy, relaxed and eager to come home on Sunday to see my family.  And when I got there, they were happy, relaxed, and eager to see me.  I mean, you can’t beat that…normally when I’m away, I come home and everyone’s cranky. 

So I have been well and truly blessed.  I also had some insights over the weekend, which I’m not sure I can articulate (since this is already a novel) but…one thing that does stick with me is that I am amazed at how no matter how long I’m on this journey, I am still learning.  There is always something new around the bend in the road.  I am amazed and grateful at how much more beauty the world keeps revealing to me…and how much I continue to grow and learn.  Every time, I’m sure that this is the big revelation, there can’t be anything else as profound ahead of me…and every time, of course, there is.  It’s an amazing gift, this journey of self-discovery and personal growth and learning about the world and the people around me…and I’m stunned at how much my heart is capable of growing and holding.  Some days I’m sure it can’t hold another thing or grow another inch without tearing in two…and I’m always wrong.  Thank God.  🙂

So anyway…there’s my rambling insight for the day.  I will catch up with you all today, or I’ll try, but I hope that everyone had a MARVELOUS weekend and will have a fantastic week!

PS:  OH, and I finally got time to finish Passing for Thin, by Frances Kuffel.  I highly, highly recommend the book to anyone who’s…okay, anyone who’s breathing.  I’m not kidding.  It’s full of amazing, soul-touching insights for anyone who’s struggled with weight – but those insights are there for anyone who hasn’t, too, and might be even more valuable for those people.  Whomever you may be, you should read it.  Seriously.

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Great Escapes

Happy Friday!  It’s been sort of a crazy week around here, and I think that this time of year there tends to be a lot of change and upheaval – much of it positive, but still a lot of change.  There is sort of an atavistic reaction, I think, to the change of seasons that creates a restlessness and a dissatisfaction with the status quo…at least for me.  🙂

But I am very happy that it’s Friday.  There has been some upheaval this week in my life, but for the most part it’s been very positive.  I am loving my new office – it’s easy to underestimate the importance of a defined personal space, but when you don’t have it you really learn how much you need it.

The scale is up that same four and a half pounds today…not a big surprise.  I can blame it on fluid retention – definitely partly true – and I can blame it on the fact that I should be about to start my period.  I can blame it on a lot of things but the sober fact is that I really haven’t done the work this week.  My eating has been sketchy; great some days, not so great others, with one really atrocious day.  I missed last night’s workout because I had a horrendous headache and couldn’t manage to work through it, though I tried…but I did my other workouts this week, so I guess that’s not the end of the world.

The bottom line is, behaviorally it hasn’t been a stellar week.  The scale has been up since…I can’t remember when I peeked, but it’s been all week, so I don’t think the last couple of days have had much bearing on it.  But that isn’t really the point.  The scale doesn’t mean as much to me as it used to, maybe because I’m pretty happy with the way I look, maybe because I’m really finally learning what matters.  I don’t know, but for whatever reason I don’t live and die by it.  But I do live and die by my habits, my behaviors, that I am working to change and build.  And in that sense, this hasn’t been much of a week.

The good news is that I’m not depressed by it.  It’s not stressing me out.  Even in the depths of my hormone-induced internal chaos, this just doesn’t really disturb me.  The thing is, it’s just one week.  And not even the whole week; I had a few really great days.  There is a part of me that just seems to recognize – finally! – that I’m not on a schedule…I’m not being evaluated for “health compliance” and I’m not going to get voted off the island for having a bad week.  Or two.  So…that’s a good thing, yes?  I’m actually pretty stoked by it.  🙂

I’m not going to sit here and resolve that next week will be better, either.  I am hopeful that it will – but I’m not hanging my happiness on it.  That’s then, this is now, and I’m not “wishing my life away” as my mom would say.  I’m going to enjoy right now as much as I possibly can, and let next week take care of itself. (Though next week the Memorial Day challenge starts in earnest, and I’ll be darned if I’m putting that off any more!)

That said, I am going to make a concentrated effort to be a little healthier today.  My allergy meds have me a little dehydrated so I packed a TON of water (well, carrying it, it felt like a ton!) and I’m packing away the fruits and veggies too.  I know I will need the complex carbs for my workout tonight, but I’ll worry about those this afternoon.  When I’m thirsty, which I am, I crave the fruits and veggies, I guess because of their water content.

Tonight I will be leaving for my weekend getaway…I’m going to our cabin, all by myself, and doing absolutely nothing all weekend long.  I’m not going back home till Sunday, so I’m getting two days of undiluted “me” time.  🙂  Can I tell you how happy I am about that?  I adore my family, but it is amazingly nice every once in a while to just be by myself.  I am a naturally very solitary person, so it does me a lot of good to have this time every so often.

Not to worry…I have all my workout equipment already in the trunk of the car, as well as everything I need for my Couch to 5K run tomorrow.  I hope I will actually do these things, though I have learned enough by now not to promise, because…that always jinxes me.  🙂  But I’ll try. 

I’ll have lots of time to read and think and write and just sort of be.  My wonderful DH burned my yoga video to DVD for me, so I can use it at the cabin.  My meditations are all on my iPod, so I can do those also…and I will have the time, the privacy and the quiet to do so. 

I can’t wait.  I am very, very excited about this.  I hope that everyone has as fabulous a weekend as I hope to have, and starts next week refreshed and rejuvenated and ready to rock.  Happy weekend!

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