Wednesday Wisdom: Let Go of the Urgency

Happy Wednesday, world!  I hope the week is going well so far and continues to improve.

My thought for today is something that actually coalesced for me while I was meditating this morning, and it centers around the pressure we put upon ourselves when we are working to get healthy and fit – which, for most of us, translates to “lose weight”.

Weight loss is a double-edged sword.  It is something that we typically want to do for a number of reasons, and generally we each have a personal list of motivations that are extremely individual and specific to our lives.  When I was starting, one of my biggest desires was to lose weight so that my family would be proud of me, rather than ashamed.  (Eventually I realized this was my own perception rather than their feelings, but that’s another post.) Like everything else, the reasons are as different as the people who have them, and as worthwhile.

The two reasons that seem to recur in nearly everyone’s lists, however, are to look better and to be healthier in general.  So usually, for people who are seriously working, it’s something we do to improve our health.  Eating better, healthier foods and becoming active are unquestionably things that are good for you, right?

Well, yes.  But as always, there’s a caveat:  they are good for you until they begin to become a stressor.  Most of us reach a point at which our weight loss efforts begin to produce stress.  We are working hard and doing things that we don’t necessarily want to do, yet we feel that we aren’t progressing, or we aren’t progressing fast enough.  The scale isn’t cooperating.  The measuring tape is stuck.  I’m doing everything right – why isn’t it working? We feel that we are failing; we are frustrated because we know we’re doing the right things but we aren’t getting results…or we are consumed with guilt over that one little splurge that we are convinced caused us to regain the five pounds we should have and would have otherwise lost.  It’s not rational and most of the time it’s completely fallacious…but it has immense power over us nonetheless, and it produces immense emotional stress, which translates to physical distress and a corresponding loss of motivation.

Being goal-oriented, as most people are, helps us to motivate ourselves to continue to do the right things – but it also causes pressure to succeed, which creates stress, and it produces overwhelming feelings of failure, despair, and worthlessness when we feel we have not performed up to expectations.  Again, it’s a double-edged sword.

The key, I think, is to find a happy medium.  To find a place where we can be pleased with success, but not feel the fear of not achieving success or the crushing disappointment when we don’t achieve it.  That’s a very difficult line to walk, and I think it’s at least in part a matter of urgency.

A lot of the time, when someone starts a weight loss program, he or she has a specific time frame in mind. He or she might be doing it for a specific event that is coming up, or maybe just sets an arbitrary deadline so success can be measured.  I want to lose ten pounds by my sister’s wedding.  I want to be at my goal weight by the end of the year.  I want be able to run a 5K by July. We do this for a very good reason: we need to be motivated, and we need to know what we’re working toward.  That’s how we are trained, in our society – to be results-motivated.

Unfortunately, it’s not really the healthiest approach, because of the stress it produces.  Healthy behavior – eating healthy foods, being active, caring for our bodies and our selves with real self-love – is its own reward.  It pays off in so many ways, in the way we look, the way we feel, the things we are able to do, and increased longevity.  It adds not only years to our lives, but quality years during which we will be able to live healthfully and vibrantly, rather than in pain and disability.  It makes every day better, lovelier, and more worth living.  The truth is, it just improves our lives, whether we lose a single pound or not.

So how does that approach – that it’s what you are doing every second that counts, not the end result – mesh with our need for motivation to do these things?  How do we stop straining to see the finish line and simply enjoy the beauty of the run?  (Or walk, in my case?)  We have to let go of the urgency.  We have to be able to say, and truly know, that we want to be healthy and strong, without appending, “By _______” or “when ____ happens”.  We have to recognize that what we are doing is not really trying to achieve a one-time, finite goal – but changing our lives.  We are working to improve ourselves, not for a reason, but simply because we want to improve ourselves.

Meditation involves a huge amount of letting go.  Letting go of the tension that’s in your body, letting go of the thoughts that come unbidden, letting go of the need to be alert and ready to respond to stimuli.  Letting go of reactions and emotional processes; recognizing that you are free to do so, that there is no natural law that says you must feel these things.  You are not obligated to suffer.  You have the right to choose.  In the process, it’s almost impossible not to realize what freedom there is in letting go, and how much of the tension and stress and pressure of life can be alleviated by doing so.

So my suggestion for today is, practice a little letting go.  Be mindful, concentrate on every action you are doing for yourself, whether it’s running or riding a bike or lifting weights or preparing a delightful, healthy meal.  Really think about it.  Really focus on it and take joy in that action, for its own sake.  Don’t think about it as a means to an end.  Simply let go of the need to reach for that goal, and enjoy the process of getting there.  The benefit to your mind and spirit will be incalculable, and the benefit to your body will be correspondingly greater.  Remember, we are not a collection of parts, we are an amazing, awe-inspiring whole, and what is good for one part of us is good for all of us.  So today, just let go a little and be in the moment of caring for yourself.  And the irony is, if you can let go of the finish line, you’ll probably get there quicker.  But try to forget I said that. 

And have a wonderful day!