Well, I thought I’d go ahead and get this posted now, because I don’t know what tomorrow will be like.
The Labor Day Challenge is officially on. I have WVSooner, Bex, Cammy, and my walking-partner B. signed up with me.
For Week One, the change I plan to make is to build in yoga no less than three times a week. This is going to be enough of a challenge for me as my house is going to be chaotic. Originally, I was planning four 35-45 minute cardio sessions but that may be problematic for reasons which will become clear in a bit.
So that’s my first change. Leave me a comment below and let me know what yours is!
Now…the reason for chaos. Friday night, my mother called and told me she was having trouble breathing. To make a very long story short, after spending all night at the ER, we were told she has pulmonary edema due to severe aortic stenosis. In other words, her lungs were filling with fluid because her heart isn’t functioning well enough to pump it off.
Today we were told that in order to give her any life expectancy at all, she will have to have an aortic valve replacement via open heart surgery. My mother is 70 years old and non-ambulatory due to severe rheumatoid arthritis. She has a host of other health issues. There’s an excellent chance that she is not even a candidate for this type of surgery. So it doesn’t look good.
I can’t go into details at the moment about what I’m feeling because it’s just too much. I will just say that my mother is my idol, the person who has always been the standard to which I try to measure up, and quite literally the wind beneath my wings. She is the one person in the world who has always loved, adored, and admired me, no matter what I did or said or didn’t do or say. And I haven’t handled very well the fact that she’s been disabled and steadily deteriorating for the past ten years. I’ve basically been in denial and avoidance – just like I was when my dad was diagnosed with cancer. It seems I haven’t learned a lot in 20 years. I’m not proud of that, especially right now.
When I was about 17, after my dad had passed away, and after a particularly nasty war of words between my mother and I, I wrote her a letter apologizing and telling her how much it scared me to think that some day she wouldn’t be there anymore. I still have the letter she wrote me in return…but I also have it engraved on my heart. One of the things she said was, “As long as your mother is alive, you are always still a little girl, at least a little bit. It isn’t until you lose your mother that you really, truly grow up.” I will never forget those words, never.
It’s possible that the surgeon will tell us that everything is great and they will do the surgery and we’ll have ten more years with Mother. Dear God, I hope so. I can’t even begin to tell you how much I hope so. But tonight…I am facing the idea that the time may have come for me to really grow up. And I am so frightened.
So please, if you pray, please pray for her. If you don’t, please, think positive thoughts. I truly believe it makes a difference.
I may not be posting much this week. I will be at the hospital all day tomorrow, and my sisters and nieces will be here tomorrow evening. At the very least, it’s going to be a rough week.
I’m so sorry to hear about your mother! I’ll definitely keep you all in my prayers. Try to find some time, if you can, to practice some of that yogic breathing. It works wonders for the mind and the soul!
I think I’ll join you on the yoga challenge. I would like to practice twice a week, at least.
You’ll be in my thoughts this week!
I’ll be praying for your mother and you and your family. Take care of yourself hun! Love ya!!
I happened to be at Dietbook’s house doing laundry when the call came in. I have never seen such a panicked look on her in my life. I really wished there was something I could have done for her, but she obviously needed to do this alone.
I do wish her mother and the entire family my best and that mom has a speedy recovery. She’s a neat lady (ok, they both are really).
I will say one positive thing about her mother’s condition – she hasn’t lost her sense of humor. When I was talking to Dietbook on the phone while she was over at the hospital the day after she went in, I heard her mother in the backgroud saying “ask him why he hasn’t brought me any flowers yet!” LOL. Gotta do that today.
*hugs*
I hope everything goes as well as it can go.
I’ll keep you in my thoughts.
I am very sorry about your mom. I will pray that there will be good news about her prognosis.
You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you so much for sharing the comment your mother wrote you about mothers and growing up. I can certainly see the application to my own life.
I appreciate the Labor Day challenge. I’ve been wanting to get my bike tuned up (it’s been years of sitting in the garage not being ridden) and start riding. I’m going to bike at least twice a week (even if it’s just around the neighborhood). I’m not sure of what I’ll do on the measurement component.
Hang in there!