A Learning Process

Well, it’s Friday again.  Hard to believe another week is past.  I’ve been so busy that it’s literally flown by.  Okay, not literally.  It didn’t grow wings.  But it went by really quickly.

It’s been a good week overall, though it’s had its ups and downs.  Last night was pretty cool; I ran on the treadmill for about six minutes, which is about four minutes longer than my usual max.  Not fast, but steady.  DH was doing the “long” run on WiiFit and I ran with him.  It reminded me of something I tend to forget whenever possible – most of my limitations are self-imposed.  I can run, I just really don’t like to and I generally choose not to.  But it’s nice to be reminded that I am capable of it.  I need to make myself do it more often, because if there’s one thing that will short-circuit weight loss efforts it’s getting too comfortable in your exercise routine.

I had a great workout last night, but was up 0.2 pounds today.  I’m actually not too disappointed by that for a few reasons.  One I particularly want to mention though is this – it’s an amazing post by Lynn, who is in herself, of course, amazing – but also check out Cyndi’s comment, which is number 49.  This really made me sit up and take notice of how I’ve been thinking about my efforts and my results.

The thing is, during the time period that I’ve been working to become healthier and lose weight, I’ve also been working on getting out of debt.  Working hard on it, in fact.  So my life has a double focus and they’re both all about self-control, sensibility, frugality and moderation.  And they’re very similar.

What this made me look at, though, was my own reaction to the number on the scale.  When I have worked hard, and I step on the scale and see no loss or a gain, I (like most people) tend to take it personally.  I’m no good, I’m a failure, I’m pathetic…it’s a direct reflection on my worth as a human being.  And typically, I start to feel discouraged and hopeless about the process, which generally means there’s a binge (or at least a major slip) somewhere in the very near future.

But when I check my bank balance online – which I do frequently, to make sure I haven’t missed writing in a transaction – I don’t feel that way.  If it’s down, I look at the transactions, make sure I have them all written in, and plan my spending accordingly.  If it’s a lot lower than I thought it should be, I find what I had missed, and yes, I probably kick myself a little for spending that money (if it was something non-critical).  But I don’t spiral into depression, and I sure as heck don’t go on a spending spree at the mall!  How stupid would that be?  Oh, I’m overdrawn (or really low), I am such a loser, I think I’ll go buy those $150 boots I saw the other day.  Or a new couch.  (Note – sure, spending money would make me feel better, which is one of the reasons I am in the situation I’m in, and one of the things I need to cure.  But even I am not that compulsive, that addicted, or that clueless.)  It would only make my problems much, much worse.

That being true, why would I do this with food?  If I’ve slipped, and it’s resulted in a gain or no loss, why would I think the rational thing to do would be to go eat a bag of chips?  That’s just silly.  The rational thing to do is to conserve – i.e., work out a little harder and be extra-careful with food -  just as I would with my bank account.  If I’ve spent too much, then I don’t spend till I get paid again.  If I’ve overindulged, I cut back a little until I’m back on track.

This seems self-evident, but nothing makes things “click” for me like analogies.    This, because of the work I’ve had to do on my spending habits, is a perfect one.  So this is what I’m focusing on.  I’m up a little – and I can easily, since I’ve been weighing almost daily, pinpoint exactly why.  I am not racking my brain to find that transaction; it’s clearly printed out on the screen for me to see.  I know where the extra 0.2 came from, and I pretty much expected it, so I just nod and go on.

What it does do, is tell me that I need to be extra diligent this weekend.  That’s really a good thing, because weekends at the cabin tend to be lazy, undisciplined times for me.  But since I know I’m skating on the edge of a “no-loss” week (I’m, at this point, down half a pound, but if I am not careful this weekend, that could change) I know that I need to be sure not to take anything overly tempting or unhealthy, and stick resolutely to my healthy meals.  Exercise won’t be a problem, as I plan to get out a LOT with DH and YD.  (ED, unfortunately, won’t be going with us; she has a voice lesson she doesn’t want to miss, so she’ll be staying here with my Mom.)

So I wanted to thank Cyndi for the insight, which has both put some things into perspective for me and helped me let go a little of my love-hate feelings toward the scale.  It’s just a scale.  I don’t hate the computer for showing me I’m out of money.  I don’t need to hate the scale for showing me the results of my own behaviors.  I don’t need to hate anything.  I just need to use the information wisely.  So while it makes me more comfortable with daily weighing, it also goes a long way toward removing the compulsion.  I don’t need to weigh myself compulsively, any more than I need to compulsively check my bank balance.  (I used to do that, too.  I’m much better now, though.)

Life’s all about learning.  I’ve learned a lot this week, and in my book, that makes it a great week.  Have a great weekend – I plan to!