Habit-Forming

I don’t really have a lot to say this morning, but I do want to get back into the habit of blogging regularly.  I’ve missed it, and trying to find time to fit it in hasn’t worked well, so I’m going to have to make time instead.  Just like exercising, and preparing healthy meals…if it’s something that’s beneficial to your life and health, you can’t afford to wait for the time to appear.  You have to carve it out.  It’s not always easy, but it’s always necessary, and it’s always worth it.

I’ve been working on making some lifestyle changes to try to manage some of the symptoms I think might be signs of RA.  I had a long talk with my mom the other night about her diagnosis and the early stages of her disease, and I’m educating myself gradually.  I’ve eliminated a few foods, cut back on others, added some, and am taking a couple of supplements.  Well, to be honest, right now I’m just taking ginger, in addition to the things I was taking before.  I’d planned to add turmeric but haven’t really yet; I have it, I just haven’t been taking it.

The thing is, I know I will have to get medical care, and I am going to.  But first, I want to make as many lifestyle changes as I can and solidify them into habits, because I know myself.  Once I am on medication, I will rely on it and the lifestyle changes – if they have not become rock-solid habits – will seem less important, less worth the effort.  So I am trying to be smart, not to be too much in denial about what is probably happening, but also keep in mind my specific idiosyncracies and work to minimize their impact.

DH has a job interview next week that could change our lives completely.  I don’t want to go into a lot of detail about it because it’s not for sure, but it’s close.  If it pans out, we’ll be moving, and it will be something I wouldn’t have dared to hope for.  I will still probably have to work, at least until ED is through college, but probably only part-time – and there’s a good chance that I can do it on my terms.  In other words, if I can make money writing, I could do that and only that.  I don’t have to get rich at it, I just need to supplement our income, and I think I can do that.  In fact, if I put out the effort, I know I can.  So it’s time to get serious, stop making excuses and letting things interfere, and just do it.  Yet another thing important enough to carve out time for.  (Please to ignore the dreadful grammar.  I promise I’m usually a better writer.)

The thing is, if this pans out, DH will be living in another state for a few months before we join him.  About six months, in fact.  Which will put more responsibility on my shoulders, true, but not that much.  What it will do, however, is make my evenings somewhat empty – which is a good thing.  That’s time carving itself out, right there, for so many of the things that matter.  Writing, exercise, meal prep…weekends, too, will be different, as it will be too far for him to come home on weekends.

Will I miss him?  Of course.  I am quite certain that I have no idea how much I will miss him, and that it will be more than I thought possibly.  I’m sure it will be lonely.  But it will also be a God-given opportunity to prove that I can make money doing what I love.  I have to do that.  I have to prove to him (and to myself) that this isn’t a pipe dream, that this is something I can and will do.  If I can do that, then I will be able to justify to him (and to myself) not getting a full-time, 9 to 5 office job.

Worst case scenario, I get a job as a receptionist somewhere, part-time.  If I can get anyone to ignore the fact that it’s a huge step down in qualifications and in money.  If I don’t care, then they shouldn’t, but we all know that’s not generally the way it works.

Regardless, the simple fact of where we’d be moving would be enough to make this a hugely positive thing…I think.  I have some niggling ambivalence about it, because I know it could have bad effects as well, but I’ll write more about that later, when the ink is dry on the contract.  I do still suffer from “magical thinking” somewhat, and I don’t want to jinx it.

And now I’ve carved out all the time I can, and I have to get to work.  But I’ll be back soon, I promise, and I hope that in the meantime everyone has a wonderful day.