Good (veryextremelyearly) Morning, Blogland! And Happy Monday! Today is the first day of my “get up a little early and blog at home so I don’t burn work time doing it” habit. Though I must confess I didn’t really mean “get up at 3:30 when the cat decides he wants out, because I can’t go back to sleep”. But I guess that was what was in the cards. So here I am!
I am really glad the weekend is over…and may I say that I hope that everyone out there had a much, much better weekend than I did? Okay, it wasn’t all bad. In fact, there were a few very bright spots for which I am very grateful, like a really great walk yesterday with a great neighbor and some wonderful conversation. (Yes, I admit I did most of the talking. *sheepish grin* Okay, who’s surprised by that?) But…it was just one of those weekends where everyone is a little out of sorts and off-kilter, nothing quite goes the way you plan it or want it to go, and the general effect is one of low-level anxiety and a pervasive sense of an aimless lack of control.
I really did try to keep things in focus but I must sadly admit that the dream of a Gold Star April is no more. It’s ironic, too, that it wasn’t a binge or stress-eating or PMS cravings that did me in…although I suppose stress and cravings could be said to have played a part. But really it was just an evening out where I really wanted to forget all the tension and upheaval around me and enjoy myself with my family, and I did. And not really, I am somewhat chagrined to admit, in moderation.
There are good points. I didn’t drink – it’s been a while since I’ve done that and frankly I strongly suspect I’ve lost the knack anyway. I didn’t order dessert. I ate one roll instead of three. I had a steak instead of breaded, fried chicken strips or something equally atrocious. I did eat my salad. (All of these are very different from what I would have done a few years ago, if it helps.) But…I ate the cheese fries, and honestly I ate a pretty big portion. I wanted them more than I wanted anything else in the meal. I didn’t restrain myself. I did eat a roll, with whatever it is they’re passing for butter. I had a baked potato (yesafterthecheesefries!), again with butter or whatever it is, I didn’t even ask because I didn’t care. I had real ranch dressing on the salad, and no, I didn’t dip my fork. I smothered it. Okay, not smothered, there wasn’t that much in the little cup, but you know, I used it all. And I drank a Diet Coke instead of water.
So, you know, it wasn’t pretty. Oh yeah, and I forgot the coconut shrimp. Oops. I did bring about half the steak home, and I gave DH half my shrimp and still ended up bringing some of that home too. But honestly, those were the least offensive of the menu items so, you know, no medals there.
The rest of the weekend wasn’t horrible, but it wasn’t great either. I realized last night that I hadn’t so much as sniffed a banana or apple all weekend, though I did get my veggies in. (How oddly backward is THAT, for me?) So I sort of binged on fruit last night…inasmuch as one can binge on fruit. We also finished off the sugar-free chocolate cake but my piece wasn’t that big. But on top of the rest of the day, well…
And there wasn’t a lot of exercise. Well…formal exercise. I cleaned like a madwoman all day Saturday; I think for me sometimes cleaning is almost symbolic, sort of a way of eliminating some of the mental clutter and baggage and cobwebs. (Which explains why my house is frequently a mess.) I don’t know how effective it was but man, is my sink shiny! (Well, no, because people keep on putting dishes in it, but it WAS.) And my bathrooms are exquisitely clean…and the laundry’s done. Not folded or put away, but clean. I’ll do the rest tonight, I promise. So I burned quite a few calories and I have some muscles that are more sore than they are after a circuit – but I don’t think I get to count that. I did get my cardio in yesterday, which was supposed to have been a rest day but I’m calling Saturday that. The walk was great and led to a wonderful conversation, which was awesome. Really, though, I don’t feel great about my (complete lack of) dedication to my healthy lifestyle over the past few days.
So. Confession over, and moving on. We also went couch-shopping (this may not sound that exciting but I LOVE furniture shopping shopping of any kind.) The process was fun in itself and I think we’ve found the one we want…a sectional actually and I swore I would never own a sectional…but this is an awesome piece of furniture. I am in love. DH has indicated that we may go ahead and order it tonight; it would take a couple of weeks to come in. I hate waiting and will probably dream about this thing every night until it gets here. It’s…amazing. It’s pretty (sectionals usually aren’t in my opinion) and exquisitely comfortable and you could easily sleep a family of five on it without complaints of overcrowding. Okay, maybe one or two complaints. But it’s awesome. And bearing in mind that our current couch is 15 years old, this is a big deal for us! 🙂
So…today is doctor’s visit, and naturally it comes after a weekend of crap eating and no exercise so I’m probably retaining some fluid and up a pound or two. Can’t tell because, of course, the scale’s broken. I have got to get a new one but I’m dreading getting used to a new one because I know it will weigh heavier. That’s just how my luck runs. Oh well, at least if I get one today I can pretend it’s up because it’s a new scale and not because I ate like an idiot all weekend. 🙂 But maybe it would be better to NOT get one for a few weeks, because if I behave, just think how far down it would be? Hm…
Not really looking forward to the doctor, not dreading it either…I am going to ask him to do a complete physical so I can sort of get an idea of my progress, health-wise. I’m also asking him to see ED and order a bunch of tests so we can see exactly what’s going on with her. But I am just not nearly as stoked about the visit as I would have been had I behaved all weekend. Ah, well. I always seem to do that; sabotage myself just before a doctor’s visit. Maybe it’s so I can learn remind myself that it’s really not about one day, or one weekend…living healthy is about what choices you make the majority of the time. And the majority of the time, I am doing really, really well. So I’m going to stop stressing over it. I mean, it’s not like I don’t have plenty of other things to stress over. Hah! (Honestly? I don’t. I am just really good at absorbing other people’s stress.)
ED and boyfriend (BF I think I shall call him) are having some difficulties. It hurts me for both of them because they are both amazing and very dear to me, but I am not sure they are meant to be (meant to be together, not meant to be dear to me). Now, they’re 16, so it’s not all that surprising that they probably aren’t “forever” but I know it makes both of them very sad. I am really hoping that they are able to have a very special Prom night regardless, but…I’m afraid it’s going to be overshadowed and that makes me sad too.
I wish I could just fix everything for the whole world…right now that’s pretty much where all my stress is coming from, because my own life is better than I have any right to expect. (And I do hope everyone’s knocking on wood for me after saying that!) I just hurt for other people and wish I could wave a wand and make everything better. I don’t handle extended stress, conflict and drama well. I’m Irish, for crying out loud! You know how we do things – we get mad, we yell, we fight, then we laugh and have sex (sometimes both at the same time) and it’s all good! And the whole process takes about fifteen minutes except for maybe the sex. And twenty minutes later we’ve forgotten the whole thing. Except for, hopefully, the sex.
Ah well. The world will go as it will, and not as you or I would have it. I know that quote’s from the Wheel of Time but I also think it’s from somewhere else and I just can’t stinkin’ remember where because frankly, it’s really early and I’ve already been up too long. I hate when I lose sleep. I really do.
Today I am going to focus on the basics – getting my nutritionals in and getting my workout in. I am going to hope for staying within calories but realistically, it’s going to be a busy and chaotic day and I have PMS cravings out the yin-yang. So I am not reaching for the stars (HAH! get it? Gold Stars?) but I am definitely going to get my feet firmly planted on the ground. (Anyone else having flashbacks of the American Top 40, there?) Tomorrow is soon enough for the stars. Well, I’d better get a silver today…but you know. Tomorrow’s soon enough to go for gold. 🙂
I’m going to go do some yoga, inside unfortunately as outside it’s (a) cold and (b) dark. I hope everyone has a wonderful Monday and that it’s the start of a wonderful banner week!
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